Summary
This video discusses autism in girls, highlighting common experiences such as masking, selective mutism, difficulties with small talk, social anxiety, and isolation. It explains how these traits can lead to misunderstandings, resulting in girls with autism being perceived as rude or difficult. The video offers insights into the challenges faced by both late-diagnosed and undiagnosed autistic females, emphasizing the importance of awareness and understanding.
Key Insights
Masking is a learned behavior in girls with autism, developed early to hide differences and gain social acceptance.
Girls on the autism spectrum often learn to mask their autistic traits from a young age due to negative social experiences. When they express something perceived as unacceptable or different, like a special interest or sensory issues, they may alienate peers. This leads them to hide these aspects of themselves to fit in and avoid rejection, a process that is both exhausting and prevents them from being their authentic selves. This masking behavior is a significant factor in why autism in girls can be overlooked.
Selective mutism, or autistic shutdowns, is a prominent feature in females with autism, leading to communication breakdown and social difficulties.
Selective mutism is a state where an individual cannot speak, often experienced as an autistic shutdown. It can occur without warning and is not a choice. For girls with autism, this can result in being perceived as rude or ignorant when they are unable to respond. This inability to communicate can lead to lost connections and friendships. Unlike males, whose shutdowns might manifest more as anger or irritation, females may experience a complete inability to vocalize, even when they want to explain. For individuals who are undiagnosed, this can cause significant distress and confusion, making them feel like aliens or that something is wrong with them.
Sections
Masking in Girls with Autism
Girls learn to hide unique traits due to negative social feedback early in life.
Autistic girls learn to mask their traits, such as special interests or sensory sensitivities, from a young age. Negative reactions from peers when these differences are expressed lead to hiding them to avoid rejection and gain acceptance.
Special interests unusual for girls, like mechanical things or trucks, are often hidden to fit in.
While boys on the spectrum may freely discuss their interests, girls often hide theirs, like a deep fascination with race cars or trucks, because these interests are not traditionally seen as feminine. This hiding is a strategy for social acceptance, even if it means they are not being their true selves.
The inherent drive to fit in leads to constant self-suppression and a feeling of not belonging.
A core struggle for autistic girls is the persistent effort to fit in. This often means hiding their true selves, leading to a profound sense of not belonging anywhere and the belief that conforming is the only way to be accepted.
Late diagnosis can lead to feelings of detachment and self-doubt before understanding the cause.
Before diagnosis, autistic individuals, especially those diagnosed late, may feel detached from reality, question their sanity, or believe there's something fundamentally wrong with them because they don't understand why they feel or act differently.
Difficulty connecting with peers and feeling like an outsider is a common experience.
Autistic girls often struggle to connect with peers their age, finding typical conversations uninteresting and feeling like they are observing social interactions without being able to participate genuinely.
Masking serves as camouflage, making autism less visible and contributing to diagnostic challenges in females.
The camouflage of masking allows autistic girls to appear as if they belong, but it's a survival mechanism. They meticulously observe and mimic social behaviors to fit in, even if it doesn't align with their true feelings or desires. This sophisticated imitation makes their autism harder to identify.
Selective Mutism and Autism Shutdowns
Selective mutism is common in females and involves an inability to speak, often leading to misinterpretation.
Selective mutism, or an autistic shutdown, is a prominent trait in autistic females where they become unable to speak. This is not a conscious choice but an overwhelming state, often mistaken for rudeness or ignorance by others.
The inability to explain during selective mutism causes distress and can lead to social isolation.
When experiencing selective mutism, individuals cannot articulate why they are silent, which can lead to others assuming they are being rude or uncaring. This lack of communication can result in the loss of connections and friendships.
Partners or friends may misinterpret mutism as anger or rejection, highlighting the need for understanding.
Even someone knowledgeable about autism, like the speaker's partner Dan, may initially misinterpret selective mutism as rejection sensitivity dysphoria or anger. Compassion and patience are crucial, allowing the individual to regulate without pressure to speak.
Text communication or emojis are insufficient during a shutdown; a complete inability to process communication exists.
While texting or using emojis can work for general communication needs, it's ineffective during an autistic shutdown or selective mutism. The state is so overwhelming that the capacity to even think about communicating is lost.
Male shutdowns often manifest as anger or irritability, whereas female shutdowns can present as selective mutism.
Shutdowns in males with autism may present as anger or irritation when overwhelmed, leading them to withdraw from interaction. In contrast, selective mutism for females is a complete inability to speak, a more passive form of shutdown.
Experiencing selective mutism at university means attending classes without speaking, leading to perceptions of ignorance.
During university, experiencing selective mutism meant attending classes daily without being able to speak to anyone. This led others to perceive the student as ignorant or deliberately ignoring them, impacting social perceptions.
The unpredictable nature of selective mutism makes social interactions challenging and confusing for friends.
Friends of autistic individuals experiencing selective mutism often find it difficult to know what to expect, as the individual's demeanor can shift rapidly from chatty to silent. This unpredictability can be unsettling for those around them.
Challenges with Small Talk
Many autistic individuals, both male and female, find small talk pointless and difficult.
Small talk is often perceived as a superfluous and unnecessary part of social interaction by autistic individuals. They question its importance and struggle with its execution, though recognize its necessity in adult life.
Forgetting to reciprocate questions in small talk can be perceived as rude.
A common error in small talk for autistic individuals is failing to ask a question back after being asked one, such as 'How are you?'. This oversight, though often unintentional, is interpreted as rudeness and ends conversations abruptly.
Societal expectations place a higher pressure on women to be social and engage in small talk.
While small talk is challenging for many, society generally expects women to be more social. This adds pressure on autistic women, who feel obligated to engage in social niceties, even if they find them superficial or draining.
Sensory overload in busy environments like school pick-up can cause forgetfulness during social interactions.
Busy and overstimulating environments, such as school pick-up with many children and noise, can make autistic individuals less functional. This sensory overload can cause them to forget learned social skills like making small talk or asking questions back.
Misunderstandings arise when lack of engagement in small talk is perceived as disrespect instead of a symptom.
When autistic individuals do not engage in small talk or reciprocate questions, it's often misinterpreted as disrespect or rudeness. This lack of awareness about the underlying neurodivergence means these behaviors are not understood as part of the autistic experience.
Social Anxiety and Isolation
Labeling and stigma contribute to social anxiety and avoidance of social situations for autistic women.
Being labeled throughout life as 'too picky' or 'irritable' due to sensory issues or rigid behaviors leads autistic women to internalize these criticisms, believing they are the problem. This fosters significant social anxiety, making them afraid of meeting new people or being in groups.
Social anxiety leads to isolation, where individuals may find comfort but ultimately face detrimental long-term effects.
The fear of social interaction resulting from social anxiety often leads to isolation. While isolation can offer comfort, prolonged seclusion can be detrimental to mental well-being and disconnect individuals from reality.
Extreme social anxiety can impair basic life functions, such as grocery shopping or meeting essential needs.
For some, severe social anxiety makes even basic errands like grocery shopping extremely challenging and draining. This can lead to seeking alternatives like personal shoppers, increasing expenses due to disability-related needs.
The exhaustion from managing social environments leads to a desire to withdraw and stay home.
Navigating social situations, even necessary ones like school drop-offs, is incredibly draining for autistic individuals. This exhaustion often results in a strong desire to retreat to a safe, quiet space, like one's own home, to recover.
Bonus: Blunt Honesty and Oversharing
Autistic individuals tend to be very honest, even when it might make others uncomfortable.
A characteristic of autistic people is their tendency towards blunt honesty. For instance, when asked about pleasant weather, an autistic person who dislikes heat might honestly state their preference for winter, making others feel uncomfortable.
Oversharing personal details with strangers can lead to feelings of vulnerability and future social anxiety.
Autistic individuals may overshare personal information with strangers, which can lead to feelings of vulnerability and regret. This experience can then trigger rumination and exacerbate social anxiety for future interactions.
The perception of honesty differs, with neurotypical people sometimes not expecting frankness, especially from women.
While honesty is a core trait, the perception of this honesty can be warped. Neurotypical individuals might not expect such frankness, particularly from women, leading to surprise or discomfort when candid opinions are shared.
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