Summary
The video discusses the author's undiagnosed autism and ADHD throughout her childhood and teenage years, highlighting how common signs were missed or misinterpreted. She shares eleven specific signs, including hypersensitivity, excellent grades despite other school struggles, a preference for reading over socializing, difficulty with change, a messy room, gullibility, sensory sensitivities, involvement in theater, unawareness of personal space, losing things, and stemming behaviors. The author reflects on how the growing neurodiversity movement allows for a better understanding and healing of past feelings of isolation.
Key Insights
Autism and ADHD can manifest in ways that allow them to go unnoticed, especially in children who perform well academically or do not exhibit disruptive behavior.
The author explains that having good grades can be a primary reason why autism and ADHD go undiagnosed, as educators and adults often overlook other struggles as long as the child is not disruptive and performs well academically. This allows individuals to fly under the radar.
Hypersensitivity, whether emotional or sensory, is a key indicator that can be misinterpreted as being 'too sensitive' or overly dramatic.
The author details her experience of being constantly told she was 'too sensitive' or 'too serious.' This hypersensitivity manifested in strong emotional reactions to events like the death of Jesus on Good Friday, a deep connection with her strawberry plant, and crying easily over minor changes. She clarifies that autistic individuals are often hypersensitive to sensory input and can also be hypersensitive in their emotional worlds, while ADHD can contribute to difficulties with emotional regulation.
Sections
Childhood and Teenage Signs of Undiagnosed Autism and ADHD
Hypersensitivity and emotional intensity were frequently observed but misunderstood.
The author was often told she was 'too sensitive' and to 'stop taking everything so seriously.' Examples include her distress on Good Friday due to the concept of God being dead, her habit of singing to her strawberry plant, and being teased for crying or looking like she might cry. This emotional hyper-sensitivity is linked to autism, and emotional regulation difficulties are linked to ADHD.
Excellent grades masked significant struggles in other school-related areas.
Despite achieving good grades, the author experienced difficulties such as forgetting to put her name on papers (it looked like messy, boyish handwriting because she was impatient with neatness), leaving jackets at school repeatedly, and being distracted by reading in class, which led to a lunch detention. While good grades can mask struggles, challenges with executive functions like prioritization and task completion contribute to these issues.
A preference for reading over socializing indicated a retreat into fictional worlds.
The author consistently chose reading over interacting with peers, even during breaks between classes or at the dinner table. While not inherently a sign of neurodivergence, a strong preference for fictional worlds over real-world social interaction can be a way autism manifests, especially when social interaction is perceived as confusing or uninteresting.
Difficulty adapting to change caused significant distress and fear.
The author describes a paralyzing fear of change, exemplified by freezing when the garage door closed, forcing her to duck and jump. She also recounts crying over a broken necklace on a dress and writing extensively about minor changes in her childhood diaries. Her college essay even focused on a childhood sandwich with disliked ingredients (wheat bread, apple jelly, crunchy peanut butter) as a way to demonstrate her progress in coping with change.
A persistently messy room was attributed to executive dysfunction and environmental factors.
The author's room was often messy, partly due to sharing a small space with two sisters. However, she also identifies her ADHD and executive dysfunction, specifically the difficulty in prioritizing and completing cleaning tasks, as contributing factors. The perceived pointlessness of cleaning intensified this struggle.
Gullibility and literal thinking led to misunderstandings and potential manipulation.
The author was very gullible, taking things people said at face value, a trait sometimes called literal thinking in autism. This led to being overly reliant on others for understanding reality. An example is believing friends who casually told her their mom had died, only to realize they were laughing and likely joking, indicating she may have been bullied without realizing it.
Sensory sensitivities impacted daily life, from swallowing pills to public restrooms.
Sensory sensitivities were prominent, including difficulty swallowing pills until age 30 due to them dissolving in her mouth, and a strong aversion to loud noises in public restrooms like automatic flushers and hand dryers. Conversely, she experienced sensory joy through music, singing in church, and listening to songs repeatedly, which are common manifestations of autistic sensory experiences.
Involvement in theater offered a structured environment for energy and social interaction.
The author was a 'theater kid,' finding comfort in scripted dialogue and choreographed movements. This provided a structured environment that suited autistic individuals, particularly those with ADHD who have a lot of energy. She auditioned for show choir but stayed home due to anxiety and convinced herself she failed. In high school, she joined the musical chorus and later got named parts, finding it thrilling.
Unawareness of personal space surprised others.
Comments like 'we should put a bell on you' indicated that the author often entered people's personal space without them realizing it. She believes this wasn't due to being quiet but rather a lack of awareness of social boundaries and personal space, a characteristic that aligns with autism.
A tendency to lose things was a constant challenge.
The author frequently lost things, earning comments like 'you would lose your head if it wasn't screwed on.' She prayed to St. Anthony, patron saint of lost things, and lost homework, keys, and a ring of significant family importance. Losing things could be both a minor annoyance and deeply devastating.
Repetitive movements (stemming) were used to manage energy and sensory input.
Stemming was a significant part of her childhood, including violently wringing her hands until others intervened, and jumping or spinning. Jumping during volleyball drills was linked to managing high energy (ADHD) and a lack of awareness of social norms (autism). Spinning and the 'candlestick pose' were other forms of stemming. For autistic individuals, stemming helps cope with distress like sensory overwhelm, while for ADHDers, it can combat boredom or under-stimulation.
Reasons for Missed Diagnosis and the Impact of Neurodiversity
Family may have been neurodivergent, normalizing certain traits.
The author suggests that the lack of diagnosis might be partly because many family members were likely neurodivergent themselves, considering her traits as normal within the family dynamic, even before her diagnosis.
Diagnostic criteria and awareness have evolved.
It was not possible to be diagnosed with both autism and ADHD simultaneously until later in life for the author. Furthermore, the diagnosis of autism and ADHD in girls was less common in the 1990s, contributing to why she was not identified earlier.
The neurodiversity movement provides a lens for healing and understanding.
The author highlights the positive impact of the growing neurodiversity movement, which allows her to re-evaluate her childhood experiences through the lens of ADHD and autism. This perspective helps her heal feelings of isolation and loneliness, and to understand that she wasn't the 'wrong' type of person.
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